During a Zoom breakout call in December 2020, I mentioned to a group of entrepreneurs that I had recently moved onto my family estate. One entrepreneur immediately responded, "I want to do that! How do I make it happen?" This reaction occurred often enough over the following months that I realized I needed to write a book about living multi-generationally on a family estate. That book is now written and published: Multi-Generational Living: The Proven Guide to Creating Stronger Families and Smarter Finances through Intentionally Designed Shared Spaces.

The purpose behind this lifestyle is the starting point. It is our "why"—our reason for wanting to live differently, more closely to family—that drives this process forward. This initial spark can either ignite a fire that spirals out of control or be harnessed into an intentional, controlled burn.

What does that controlled burn look like?

It begins with those close to us who want to break the cycle of the formulaic nuclear family. Starting in the 1830s, families began migrating to cities where they were "forcibly" separated due to smaller living spaces. Large multi-generational families were split up to accommodate this new linear "factory" lifestyle.

Today, we recognize that the nuclear family model is not for everyone. So, how do we proceed with this spark? Let me share with you a four-stage approach learned through experience.

Stage 1: Laying the Foundation

First, a foundation must be established—a foundation built on mutual trust, a unified vision, and clear boundaries.

Each of us communicates differently, and understanding how others communicate is essential. Conflict resolution is a learned art form necessary for maintaining peace and trust.

The spark—the vision that started this journey—must be documented in a way that pulls you and your family toward the future you desire. Each family member writes a personal vision narrative, and these are combined into a family vision statement. This naturally leads to discussions about governance—setting boundaries, rules, and principles to guide daily life on the estate.

Stage 2: Building the Structure

Once the foundation is laid, it’s time to address the structure, which includes finances, property selection, and decision-making processes.

Money often comes to the forefront of concerns. A financial stress test for the multi-generational estate may be necessary to establish guidelines. Decision-making within a family can be challenging, so consensus decision-making is preferred to reduce division.

The family’s vision narrative drives the non-negotiables and negotiables for the estate property, leading to the actual property features and preferences.

Stage 3: The Real Estate Transaction

With the foundation and structure in place, the next step is the real estate transaction.

Once a property is selected and an offer accepted, the process begins. This process is often longer and more complex than a typical single-family home transaction. Large estates are like small towns, with numerous moving parts, making expert advice invaluable. The negotiation phase can be particularly challenging, as multiple interests need to be balanced to reach a satisfactory agreement. Additionally, unexpected complications, such as zoning issues or title disputes, may arise, requiring swift and informed decision-making.

Stage 4: Living the Multi-Generational Life

Once your property is closed, it’s time to move in and start a new chapter in life, living multi-generationally.

Mindset is everything. Intentionally framing the mindset you want to operate under is crucial to success—especially in multi-generational living.

Remember to incorporate fun, old traditions, and new ones. There is so much to do on your family estate that you may forget to stop and enjoy the journey. More interactions with family members and the land naturally build a legacy.

Having an operating platform along with a team of family members and outside staff may become necessary. Identifying a family CEO and COO might be required to manage your newly adopted "little town."

Finally, consider private security measures due to the increased activity on your property. Governance, communication, and conflict resolution will be ongoing—just part of the learning curve.

Overall, we absolutely love living with our five families and four generations on our family estate. The deep connection to each other, along with the ease of support and exciting projects, all contribute to a fulfilling experience. We are seeing our vision realized before our eyes. Come join us on this adventure in rediscovering what our ancestors knew well—how to live and enjoy a multi-generational life!

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